Things my mother says...

Things my mother told me…

Maria del Carmen Consuelo Martinez Daporta, otherwise known as my mother, is a very wise woman.  Of course I didn’t realize that until a few years ago.  Once I became a wife and mother I realized how brilliant and how right my mother is.  Through her years she has taught me several rules and guidelines to follow in life.   I try to follow them for the most part and plan to pass them on to my children when they grow up.  Here are a few of her teachings:

Sarna con gusto no pica—I know it’s in Spanish but it sounds better.  It literally means “scabies with pleasure doesn’t itch”.  She would say this whenever a person would intentionally do something, even knowing that that action would hurt them.   So let’s say you have a friend who always gets back with the same guy even though she knows he is just going to hurt her.  It’s hard to feel bad for someone who has a skin infection but is getting extreme pleasure out of it isn’t it?  Well the same rule applies here.  If you are stupid enough to keep doing the same thing over and over again, or staying in the same situation with the same outcome, then you don’t deserve pity.  Instead, learn from your mistakes and move on.  I plan on teaching Mikey and Lola this valuable life lesson.

When you have nice legs, skirts are always better—she had some nice legs in her day.  She was never afraid to show them off and always encouraged me to do the same, in a classy way of course. This lesson can be made broader.  My mother felt that her legs were her best features, so she flaunted them, but you can do that with whatever you think is your best quality.  If you think you have great eyes, then learn how to put the proper make up on that will make them jump out at people.  If you are good with words, then find every possible situation to display that.  I hope that my children are confident enough to learn what they are best at and run with it.

Say what you mean to say and mean what you are saying—my mother is a very vocal person.  She knows how to keep the peace and I have never seen her be rude to anyone, but she knows how important it is to express yourself and how damaging it can be to hold onto your feelings.  Only two of her children follow that rule, the other two follow my father’s example of seeing just how long a person can hold onto emotions before exploding.  She always told me, if someone does something that bothers you or makes you incredibly happy, let them know.  Only children play the silent game and being passive aggressive only hurts you.  Thanks to her (or damn her if you’re my husband) I always express my feelings and let people know what I am thinking.  Being free to express yourself in a respectful manner feels great.  There is definitely something liberating about it.  

And finally, if you don’t make him happy, someone else will—yup, she meant this one to be about sex.  You have to realize my mother was raised in a country where women were supposed to serve the men and children in their lives, and that was it.  So yes, she believes that if you don’t make him happy, it is only a matter of time until he finds someone who will. But this valuable tip doesn't have to be one way or limited to sex.  In other words, if you know something truly makes your partner happy, you should want to do that for him.  Take a lesson from The Break Up…it’s not about wanting to do the dishes, it’s about doing them because you know it makes the other person happy.  So yes, give happiness to your partner before he/she finds someone else who will give it to them.