That is just one of the questions or comments I have had to
deal with when it comes to my son. In
all but one occasion, I have kept my composure and responded to the person in
the most respectful way. The only time I
wasn’t able to keep my composure was when I was caught off guard and
embarrassed in front of people I didn’t even know. At this point I used my ever faithful defense
mechanism…I swept up my son and ran to the bathroom to cry like a little
girl. It was not one of my finer
moments.
It would be one thing if I were having a conversation about
my son and the person showed genuine concern.
It’s a whole different situation if after mass you come to me and tell
me how your grandson is autistic and you are fairly certain Mikey is too. I can guarantee you he isn’t. The one thing most people don’t know is that
once you have a child, or hell, if you have ever been in the presence of a
child, you are suddenly a child development expert. Piaget himself comes down from heaven and
hands you the ever knowing wand so you now know all there is to know about
children, their development and their behavior.
You know more than the professionals who have passionately made this
their career. Don’t tell me you didn’t
know this? Bull shit I know. But this is what I have had to endure since
my son was about 9 months old.
My son is what one might call high energy and he has a
social-emotional delay. He is on from
the minute he wakes up until he is done procrastinating to go to bed. If there is an open area greater than 5 feet,
he will take off. He gets easily
frustrated and even though he is three and a half, he does not how to play with
other children or how to handle himself in social situations. This is what people see. They brace their children when they see him
coming because he will probably bulldoze right over them or hurt them in some
way, sometimes intentionally but for the most part, he doesn’t know he is doing
it. We have missed many events like
birthday parties and outings because of his mood that day or if I couldn’t get
anyone else to come with me. See, I have
an 18 month old daughter and Mikey needs full attention, so going anywhere has
to be done with two people. I have to watch him like a hawk and even though his
aggression has reduced significantly, I still get nervous when we are around
other children and I hear someone cry because they were hit. My automatic reaction is to see if Mikey is
near that child and if he is the reason they are crying. I’m hopeful that this anxiety will go away
some day but for now we proceed with caution.
He throws tantrums like a champ, but they aren’t from being spoiled like
some have tried to tell me, there is a difference. They are because he can’t handle transitions
well. Changing activities is extremely
difficult for him (however we have mastered the alarm system which helps
tremendously!) and hard for others to understand.
“Just spank him and you will see how he learns”. Yeah,
that will work with a child who perceives reprimand and rejection as him being
bad. My son needs to learn how to
regulate his emotions, and me losing my cool is not exactly leading by
example. “He’s just being a kid” or
“you’re overreacting” are the two I have heard the most. I can say with certainty that he in fact is a
kid and like all kids he is different.
And we are not overreacting. We
are appropriately reacting. We
understand that at this point in time, we do not have a typically developing
child and we need to do everything we can to help Mikey with his struggle and
stress, especially if that means bringing in professional help. I am not embarrassed by it and don’t think I
should hide it from others like someone suggested I do. I’ll admit I sometimes get a little jealous
when I see children his age acting differently, but then I soon remember how
special my son is. I have grown tired of
hearing other children and parents refer to my son as a “bad boy” and I don’t
want to see him come to me sad because someone just said he was bad. He’s not bad, he just simply doesn’t know
that he’s not supposed knock down your tower.
He doesn’t know that you don’t want to be hugged. My son is not bad, he is not autistic, he
does not need a spanking and he is not a handful. But here are a few things my son is: he is
ridiculously cute and funny. He is
incredibly empathetic—if he sees that someone is upset he immediately comes to
wash away their tears and tell them that he loves them. He is a fantastic older brother who offers to
get a baba for his baby sister and watch Barney with her when she is
upset. He is skilled with a lightsaber. He’s a flipping genius and he is my absolute
wonderful, caring, active, charming little boy.
Very good Irya, just like always! Now who are these people complaining about Mikey. They are lucky I am not there, I would NOT hold my composer like you. I would let them have it.
ReplyDeleteJust FYI...That picture STILL freaks me out.
ReplyDeletePray for those people who have bad things to say...I am sorry for those people who will never be able to bask in the sunshine that is our Mikey! He is the most thoughtful and caring 3 year old I know, when Uncle John died each time he saw one of us crying he always came with a kiss and something sweet to say, and when Uncle John got to heaven who did he pick as a spokesman to let us all know he was okay?? Mikey, of course!!! I also pray that I will have your composure if I am out with him and someone says something. Irya I don't know a better Mother than you, you put all of the rest of us to shame! I love you sweetheart!!!!
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