When you get pregnant, you are inundated with information on how to be the best parent you can be and the things you should and shouldn’t do. When you get pregnant and work in early childhood, the information comes at you much faster and from all over. With both pregnancies I scanned through scholarly articles, research papers, journals, etc filled with information on the best baby equipment, most effective sleep method, best discipline methods and benefits of breast vs bottle to list a few. Parenting ideas/methods are often up for debate and there are many topics that can stir up a hot debate in no time. The family bed is definitely one of them.
Cultures all over the world do family beds (when children sleep in the same bed as their parents) and these children and families develop just fine. Here in the US, we are warned against the family bed because of SIDS. I am not an advocate for either method, to each his own, however, I do believe parents have to do whatever they need to do to ensure they get something that is usually out of reach…a good night’s sleep.
If there is one thing I take pride in, it is the fact that both of my children were into a sleep routine early on. Granted, Lola just recently started sleeping through the night (she will be 2 in September) but once bed time came, they would both get in bed and go right to sleep. No hours of screaming or crying; just golden silence. When Mike was 2 we took him from his crib and put him in a toddler bed. Big mistake. Huge. My once perfect sleeper turned into a terror. I literally had to lay on the floor next to his bed and put him to sleep. I usually had to lay there for well over an hour, because just when I thought he was asleep, I would get up and prepare departure from his room, as silent as a Navy Seal, and then the floor would creak, he would jump up and we had to start all over again. I forgot to mention I was 8 months pregnant at the time. This went on for a couple of months until finally, my husband and I put our foot down and decided to let him cry it out, at two and a half. After about a week, it was all over and he was once again the perfect sleeper. But here is where the family bed comes in to play. Every night (or at least 4 out of 7), Mikey will sneak out of his room and crawl into bed with us. I do not complain and I don’t bring him back to his bed. Instead I scoop him up, place him in-between Mike and I and enjoy the remaining hours of sleep.
When I tell people this, they always have an opinion. You shouldn’t do that, you are created bad habits, blah , blah, blah. I couldn’t care less about those opinions because strangely enough, Mike and I both enjoy having Mikey in our bed. Now we don’t enjoy his feet kicking us in the face, his furnace like body or his horrible sleeping habits he inherited from me, but, we do enjoy being able to snuggle up to our little boy who we feel we don’t get to see enough. Confession time—I slept with my mother well into my teen years. Not every night but enough nights. My father worked a lot so when he wouldn’t come home, I would rejoice in the fact that I could spend the night cuddling next to my mommy. As a teenager, my parents decided to sleep in separate rooms (because of sleep habits) so I totally took advantage and started sleeping with my mom again, even though I had a perfectly nice big bed all to myself. Is there anything better than sleeping with someone that you feel secure with? Who else could make you feel as safe and secure as your mommy and daddy? This is why we do not move Mikey back to his bed. There is a reason he comes into our room. Maybe he needs that secure feeling? Maybe he needs to know that his mommy and daddy who work too much are there for him in that moment? Maybe he just wants to be a jerk and not let us have a bed to ourselves? Who knows the reason why he comes into our bed. The point is he does and we take him in with open arms. Now I clearly know that this could be setting us up for disaster because Lola could soon expect to come into bed with us too, but for now we will enjoy the three of us snuggled up and enjoying the sleep. Hopefully Lola will be too much of a princess to think she should share a bed with her big brother! And if not, I guess we will have to get a bigger bed or figure out some new sleeping arrangements.
