Unintentional family bed

When you get pregnant, you are inundated with information on how to be the best parent you can be and the things you should and shouldn’t do.  When you get pregnant and work in early childhood, the information comes at you much faster and from all over.  With both pregnancies I scanned through scholarly articles, research papers, journals, etc filled with information on the best baby equipment, most effective sleep method, best discipline methods and benefits of breast vs bottle to list a few. Parenting ideas/methods are often up for debate and there are many topics that can stir up a hot debate in no time.  The family bed is definitely one of them.

Cultures all over the world do family beds (when children sleep in the same bed as their parents) and these children and families develop just fine.  Here in the US, we are warned against the family bed because of SIDS.  I am not an advocate for either method, to each his own, however, I do believe parents have to do whatever they need to do to ensure they get something that is usually out of reach…a good night’s sleep. 

If there is one thing I take pride in, it is the fact that both of my children were into a sleep routine early on.  Granted, Lola just recently started sleeping through the night (she will be 2 in September) but once bed time came, they would both get in bed and go right to sleep. No hours of screaming or crying; just golden silence.  When Mike was 2 we took him from his crib and put him in a toddler bed.  Big mistake.  Huge.  My once perfect sleeper turned into a terror.  I literally had to lay on the floor next to his bed and put him to sleep.  I usually had to lay there for well over an hour, because just when I thought he was asleep, I would get up and prepare departure from his room, as silent as a Navy Seal, and then the floor would creak, he would jump up and we had to start all over again.  I forgot to mention I was 8 months pregnant at the time.  This went on for a couple of months until finally, my husband and I put our foot down and decided to let him cry it out, at two and a half.  After about a week, it was all over and he was once again the perfect sleeper.  But here is where the family bed comes in to play.  Every night (or at least 4 out of 7), Mikey will sneak out of his room and crawl into bed with us.  I do not complain and I don’t bring him back to his bed.  Instead I scoop him up, place him in-between Mike and I and enjoy the remaining hours of sleep. 

When I tell people this, they always have an opinion.  You shouldn’t do that, you are created bad habits, blah , blah, blah.  I couldn’t care less about those opinions because strangely enough, Mike and I both enjoy having Mikey in our bed.  Now we don’t enjoy his feet kicking us in the face, his furnace like body or his horrible sleeping habits he inherited from me, but, we do enjoy being able to snuggle up to our little boy who we feel we don’t get to see enough.  Confession time—I slept with my mother well into my teen years.  Not every night but enough nights. My father worked a lot so when he wouldn’t come home, I would rejoice in the fact that I could spend the night cuddling next to my mommy.  As a teenager, my parents decided to sleep in separate rooms (because of sleep habits) so I totally took advantage and started sleeping with my mom again, even though I had a perfectly nice big bed all to myself.  Is there anything better than sleeping with someone that you feel secure with?  Who else could make you feel as safe and secure as your mommy and daddy?  This is why we do not move Mikey back to his bed.  There is a reason he comes into our room.  Maybe he needs that secure feeling?  Maybe he needs to know that his mommy and daddy who work too much are there for him in that moment?  Maybe he just wants to be a jerk and not let us have a bed to ourselves?  Who knows the reason why he comes into our bed.  The point is he does and we take him in with open arms.  Now I clearly know that this could be setting us up for disaster because Lola could soon expect to come into bed with us too, but for now we will enjoy the three of us snuggled up and enjoying the sleep.  Hopefully Lola will be too much of a princess to think she should share a bed with her big brother!  And if not, I guess we will have to get a bigger bed or figure out some new sleeping arrangements. 

People and other horrible things

For some reason I am constantly amazed at how some people lack the basic principles to properly function in society.  It’s almost as if there are a bunch of Nell’s running around who have never left the forest.  It’s really not that difficult, and yet countless amounts of people just roam around, as if they are the exception to the rule. 

It’s as if, for different reasons, people just think that the rules do not apply to them.  So to help out, I have come up with a short list that can hopefully be shared and people can learn to be better citizens. 

1.       Always say please, thank you and you’re welcome.  Simple right? 

2.      Always stay to the right when walking; it is the hand that doesn’t make the L with your thumb and index.

3.      When walking in a group of 3 or more, do not walk in a line side by side.  You are not important enough to take up an entire sidewalk.

4.      When driving, if you are going slower than the rest of traffic (regardless of how fast you are going), get out of the way.

5.      If you do not work, refrain from driving, shopping or making appointments during peak working hours. This includes morning and evening rush hour and lunch breaks.

6.      If you take public transportation, be nice to the drivers.  Trust me, they hate their jobs more than you hate yours.  It is not their fault if there is traffic, construction, or if something breaks down.  I constantly have to hear people bitch about this as if the driver has some diabolical plan to mess up your day.  You are not that important to them.

7.      Do not spit in public.  It is absolutely disgusting.

8.      When driving, if you are going to a red light, and there is a car that wants to turn onto the street, let them go.  Are you really that anxious to be waiting at the light that you can’t stop and let someone through?

I’m sure there are tons of other rules that can be added to this list but I think these eight get the point across. 

Too big for sweat pants

 The other day I was chatting with a coworker (who is incredibly thin…this is important to the story line), and I mentioned how I never leave the house in sweat pants.  She went on to say that she always wears sweat pants or yoga pants and only reserves jeans for when she is going somewhere where sweat pants wouldn’t be appropriate. I then said I never leave the house without make up on—I wear it to the gym, the pool, the beach, the super market, to pump gas, you name the place and at least eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss are on my face—and she again proceeded with how she never puts it on.  She asked the scary question, why the hell do you do that?  So I found myself finally putting into words what I had felt all these years, and naturally she looked at me like I was insane. The answer you ask?  I never want to be the fat, sloppy mom.

When I told her this she said, and I quote, “you are freaking crazy.  I don’t care”.  And my answer to her this time was, “of course you don’t, you’re thin”.  Now before my 10 faithful readers start saying things like, “thin people can be sloppy too”, or “no one will think that”, “you’re not fat”, let me say this: thin people have to be extremely sloppy to look sloppy and yes, people will think that, because I have and yes, I am fat. I am changing that, but currently, I am overweight. 

This thinking all stems from a drive with my husband when I was pregnant with my first child.  I saw a mom jump out of a minivan (by the way, I really want a minivan) to collect her groceries.  She had the typical short mom cut, was wearing baggy sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt and was overweight.  I looked over at my husband and said, “I hope I never turn into that”.  He thought it was mean of me to say, and it was, but it was how I felt.  For all I know, she could have been coming home from the gym and stopped by to pick up some things for dinner.  But in my mind, that’s how she dressed anytime she wasn’t at work or at a social event.  I didn’t want that then and I definitely don’t want that now that I am a mom. 

Because I am bigger, I have to be more careful.  Skinny women can get away with putting less effort into their look because they are thin. Take my coworker for instance.  She is a size 0/2.  If she throws on a pair of yoga pants and a t shirt, then she looks cute and possibly even fit.  People might think she actually is going to a yoga class.  If I put them on, in my mind people are saying, “Yeah, like that chick can do the downward facing dog”.  Now whether they actually think that or not is irrelevant because I will always think they are thinking that.  And the bigger you are, the more careful you have to be.  I, luckily, have a pretty face, or so I have been told by many people since I was 14, “oh Irya? Yeah the big girl with the real pretty face”, so at least I have that going for me but no matter how much weight I lose, I will always be big in my mind and therefore, always have to make the effort.  Hell, the minute I got wheeled out of the operating room after both c-sections, I immediately put my contacts in and applied makeup!  I also never wanted to look bad in my post delivery pictures because, well, most women don’t look good in them. 

I never want anyone to say or think that I am a sloppy mom!  They can think I’m fat, but at least put together! 

Life lessons for Lola

I have read a lot of posts about the top things to tell/teach your children.  Well I feel that I have a lot of wisdom to pass onto my daughter and just in case I forget some things, I figured I would write it down so she can look back on it.  I am a firm believer that you must live through your own experiences but these will be my “I told you so” moments with her. 

1.      Never, ever bully anyone.  It’s not nice and let’s face it, that nerd that gets made fun of today might very well own the company you want to work for tomorrow. 

2.      Always be a lady. It might seem cool to be one of the guys but trust me, it isn’t.  You should own several purses, be able to rock skirts and dresses, properly walk in heels and know how to accessorize.  Some of these things I learned later in life and I regret that.

3.      At the same time though, learn about sports.  Nothing is hotter than a pretty, feminine girl who can debate about the Eagles’ most recent trades. 

4.      Get over your fear of getting waxed and keep up with it.  You are my daughter and therefore, biweekly trips to the salon are inevitable. 

5.      I hope you get your heart broken at least once.  It will help you realize that all things don’t work out the way you plan.

6.      I hope you break at least one heart.  It will help you realize you are not perfect.

7.      Date a bad boy at least once.  This will be an incredibly fun time for you, it will momentarily break your father’s heart, making him realize you are not perfect and it will help you recognize and love the good guy once he comes along.

8.      Someday, someone will call you a bitch, whore and/or slut.  It is up to you whether or not that person is right.  Please, prove them wrong. 

9.      Set realistic goals for what you want to do.  If you can’t carry a tune, don’t try to be a pop singer.  If you barely pass your science classes, chances are you won’t be a doctor.  Find what you are good at and like and do that. 

10.  Learn to apply makeup well.  You are of course going to be a natural beauty, so learn to apply just enough to enhance that beauty and not damage or conceal it. 

11.  If you go to college, and I hope you do, live on campus at least one year and study abroad at least one semester.  It will give you a new perspective on life.

12.  Always remember that everyone has a smart phone.  If you think it will be funny to flash your lady parts to a group of guys, it isn’t and it will be recorded and end up on the internet, where your father will undoubtedly find it.

13.  Never do anything that will make you lose respect for yourself.  Simple enough. 

Has he been tested for Asperger’s?

That is just one of the questions or comments I have had to deal with when it comes to my son.  In all but one occasion, I have kept my composure and responded to the person in the most respectful way.  The only time I wasn’t able to keep my composure was when I was caught off guard and embarrassed in front of people I didn’t even know.  At this point I used my ever faithful defense mechanism…I swept up my son and ran to the bathroom to cry like a little girl.  It was not one of my finer moments. 

It would be one thing if I were having a conversation about my son and the person showed genuine concern.  It’s a whole different situation if after mass you come to me and tell me how your grandson is autistic and you are fairly certain Mikey is too.  I can guarantee you he isn’t.  The one thing most people don’t know is that once you have a child, or hell, if you have ever been in the presence of a child, you are suddenly a child development expert.  Piaget himself comes down from heaven and hands you the ever knowing wand so you now know all there is to know about children, their development and their behavior.  You know more than the professionals who have passionately made this their career.  Don’t tell me you didn’t know this?  Bull shit I know.  But this is what I have had to endure since my son was about 9 months old. 

My son is what one might call high energy and he has a social-emotional delay.  He is on from the minute he wakes up until he is done procrastinating to go to bed.  If there is an open area greater than 5 feet, he will take off.  He gets easily frustrated and even though he is three and a half, he does not how to play with other children or how to handle himself in social situations.  This is what people see.  They brace their children when they see him coming because he will probably bulldoze right over them or hurt them in some way, sometimes intentionally but for the most part, he doesn’t know he is doing it.  We have missed many events like birthday parties and outings because of his mood that day or if I couldn’t get anyone else to come with me.  See, I have an 18 month old daughter and Mikey needs full attention, so going anywhere has to be done with two people. I have to watch him like a hawk and even though his aggression has reduced significantly, I still get nervous when we are around other children and I hear someone cry because they were hit.  My automatic reaction is to see if Mikey is near that child and if he is the reason they are crying.  I’m hopeful that this anxiety will go away some day but for now we proceed with caution.  He throws tantrums like a champ, but they aren’t from being spoiled like some have tried to tell me, there is a difference.  They are because he can’t handle transitions well.  Changing activities is extremely difficult for him (however we have mastered the alarm system which helps tremendously!) and hard for others to understand. 

“Just spank him and you will see how he learns”.    Yeah, that will work with a child who perceives reprimand and rejection as him being bad.  My son needs to learn how to regulate his emotions, and me losing my cool is not exactly leading by example.  “He’s just being a kid” or “you’re overreacting” are the two I have heard the most.  I can say with certainty that he in fact is a kid and like all kids he is different.  And we are not overreacting.  We are appropriately reacting.  We understand that at this point in time, we do not have a typically developing child and we need to do everything we can to help Mikey with his struggle and stress, especially if that means bringing in professional help.  I am not embarrassed by it and don’t think I should hide it from others like someone suggested I do.  I’ll admit I sometimes get a little jealous when I see children his age acting differently, but then I soon remember how special my son is.  I have grown tired of hearing other children and parents refer to my son as a “bad boy” and I don’t want to see him come to me sad because someone just said he was bad.  He’s not bad, he just simply doesn’t know that he’s not supposed knock down your tower.  He doesn’t know that you don’t want to be hugged.  My son is not bad, he is not autistic, he does not need a spanking and he is not a handful.  But here are a few things my son is: he is ridiculously cute and funny.  He is incredibly empathetic—if he sees that someone is upset he immediately comes to wash away their tears and tell them that he loves them.  He is a fantastic older brother who offers to get a baba for his baby sister and watch Barney with her when she is upset.  He is skilled with a lightsaber.  He’s a flipping genius and he is my absolute wonderful, caring, active, charming little boy.     

No use resisting

For as long as I can remember, I have resisted things that I thought were just fads.  If I thought for a second that one of the “plastics” was going to do it, I would preach about how stupid it was.  As soon as something because popular, you bet your ass I would stop liking it or wouldn’t even consider it.  Then suddenly one day, I did the unthinkable.  I grew up.  Here is a list of things I thought were just for hipsters or douche bags, and therefore, I avoided. 

Sushi:  I hated sushi.  Not the actual food because I had never eaten it but the whole sushi experience. The only people I ever heard rave about sushi were those who looked down at others.  People who felt they were more cultured than you because after all, they ate raw fish.  It probably all started because of Molly Ringwald’s character Claire in The Breakfast Club.  She was my least favorite character and she had sushi for lunch.  Who the hell brings sushi for lunch to Saturday detention?!  Just someone who is completely stuck up and full of themselves.   I hated that people used chop sticks and thought they were bad asses because they could use them correctly. A few years ago, at a lunch outing with some former coworkers they insisted I try it.  Determined to hate it and them for that matter, I tried some California, Philly and Tuna Rolls.  Wow!  I couldn’t believe that my pretentious attitude was making me miss out on something so delicious!  I was hooked and even got bummed when I had to give it up because I was pregnant!  I now realize how delicious sushi is and am very happy it has entered my life.

Dave Matthews Band:   DMB was popular when I was in high school and the only people that I thought listened to the band were the girls on the field hockey and lacrosse teams and their buddies and the guys who all wore button down shirts to school every day (uniforms were not required).  They would talk about going to the concerts and getting wasted and how much fun they had.  I, who didn’t listen to any music made after 1989, just saw the band as a stupid musical ensemble who gave an excuse for girls to get wasted and act like complete fools in the Meadowlands parking lot.  That Crash song was pretty awesome, but that was it.  Then in 1999 I met my now husband and he was a huge DMB fan (mind you, he also wore a button down shirt every day, even when he wasn’t in his uniform).  He had me listen to all the albums and while extremely hesitant at first, I sort of found myself really liking the band.  Now, I appreciate the band and their musical ability and if a song comes on while I am surfing the radio, I turn it up as opposed to holding back vomit as I switch the station. 

Pilates:  When it came to working out, I did cardio and weights.  If I were going to do a class it would be a boot camp class or some fun dancing class.  I wouldn’t lie on the floor and do yoga or Pilates because it was highly ineffective and a complete waste of time; a work out for girls who couldn’t lift weights.  Boy was I completely wrong on this one!  A friend of mine suggested we try a Pilate’s class one day.  I thought, sure I’m a little tired so I wouldn’t mind a light workout.  Holy shit, those words came back and didn’t just bite me in the ass, they totally kicked it.  15 minutes into class I was begging for mercy.  I had pain in areas that I didn’t even think could feel pain. I swear even my eye balls hurt after that class.  That chipper bitch of a teacher, kicking her legs in the air while we lay on mats, contorting our bodies in cruel was is an image I will never get out of my head.  I will never do Pilates again because I do not think it is fair to my body to treat it so poorly. After that day I had a new found respect for anyone who could do it on a regular basis. 

So there are a few things that I have tried and changed my mind about.   I know that I shouldn’t avoid doing things just because I don’t like others who do those things.  You never know what you are missing out on.  However, skinny jeans, vegetarianism, veganism, coffee shops and weird ethnic foods are to be left to the hipster idiots who truly feel they are better than the rest.  And Josie….

Talking ‘bout my generation…

I do not give out parenting advice, and frankly, no one should.  There is no one way to parent.  I believe that as long as we don’t emotionally or physically hurt our children, it is up to each person how they want to do it.  I am certain that many mothers see me in the store or park with my son and think to themselves, “if that were my kid…”and then go on a tirade about what they would do to my little boy to make sure he doesn’t act like that. 

I had a lot of struggles with Mikey.  From speech, to behavior (which is tied to speech) to now potty training, parenting him has been difficult at times.  And while I’m sure other parents will look at us and think he is a “bad” kid, I know the truth.  I know he is an incredibly sweet, caring and intelligent almost 3 year old who is a true boy’s boy.   A little boy who loves to wrestle, pretend to blow things up and get dirty.  A little boy who will defend himself and his little sister if need be.  I also know what he isn’t.  A coddled little boy who has a sense of entitlement and doesn’t know what no means. 

If my son falls, he is told to shake it off (as long as my inlaws are not around of course!).  If he wants to climb something or jump on something, he is usually encouraged to do so.  I don’t want my son to get hurt but I also don’t want him to develop a fear for an adventure.  Children are supposed to try new things and cuts and bruises are a part of growing up; that’s why I didn’t wear a skirt until high school.  I am also the parent most people hate, whether they have children or not, because I am the parent that let’s their child throw a tantrum in the middle of a store or any other public setting and will completely ignore him.  Yup, I do not care.  My son can scream all he wants and I just ignore while disgusted onlookers judge me and go home reaffirmed as to why they don’t have children or why they are better parents.  But trust me, I do this for the better of society. 

Too many times I see parents give in to their children because they don’t want the fuss or embarrassment.  Johnny wants a toy and you said no.  Johnny throws a fit, he gets the toy because that has quieted him down and allows you to keep shopping.  Good for you.  You might think you won the battle but you will definitely lose the war.  People my age are so concerned with treating their children as equals and giving them absolutely everything their hearts desire.  But here’s the catch.  They are not our equals, they are our children and in the same way society’s children.  We are charged with raising responsible, empathic children who can grow up and make society better.  Instead, my generation is raising a society that will not know how to lose gracefully because their sports teams don’t have winners or losers.  My generation is raising a society where if a child falls of a slide, then this child cannot go back on the slide, showing them that if you get hurt, you just don’t try again.  My generation is raising a society where authority and teachers are not respected because after all, who are you to talk to my child this way.  My generation is raising a society where patience is nonexistent because we as adults need everything done yesterday, showing them that they should have everything by last week.  We are raising a generation where hand sanitizer is readily available and applied not allowing our children to be exposed to germs.  We are raising a generation where test scores and extracurricular activities are the only ways to judge a character.   

The Greatest Generation wasn’t concerned with making sure their kids wore bike helmets.  They didn’t care too much about explaining why the child’s actions were wrong and then hugging it out.  I’m not saying we should go back to full blown beating our children but we have to return to the time where we were parents and they were children.  We have to teach our children that in this world, you can’t always be what you want.  Instead, you can be what you are good at and have a talent for and work really hard towards being.  No one should feel entitled to anything and children need to learn to stand up for themselves and make their own mistakes.  What’s the best way to learn that the oven is hot?  Touching it.  And that is it.  My generation needs to stop worrying about sanitizing their children and wrapping them in bubble wrap and get them ready for the unfair world that lies ahead.  While I like to think that Mikey can be and do whatever he wants, I know he can’t, no one can.      

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

It’s that glorious time of year again.  The time of year when warm weather begins, flowers bloom, birds chirp, baseball is in full swing and blood is shed.  Yes ladies and gentleman, it is time for playoff hockey.  

Few things in life can match up with the intensity of hockey this time of year.  Hockey in general is an intense sport, the fast skating, the hard hits and unbelievable goals.  Add that all up and throw in the fact that teams are playing for the ultimate glory of hoisting Lord Stanley's cup and you have weeks filled with heart stomping, jaw dropping and enemy making angst.  “I went to a boxing match and a hockey game broke out” was a stupid joke many of us heard growing up and I used to think it made sense, after all, hockey was all about the fights.  I now know that is nonsense. 

The only thing I knew about hockey growing up was that the Devils were pretty good and we were forced to play it in gym class.  To me, it was little more grown men on ice-skates looking for someone to pummel.  Once I moved to Philly and moved in with my now husband, hockey became a staple on our television rotation.  Little by little, I got pulled into the beauty of the sport.  I learned that it wasn’t just a bunch of oversized children who couldn’t make it in any other sport and just wanted to let out their frustration.  I learned that true hockey players master the art of playing at a very young age.  They surround themselves and their families with all things hockey and it becomes a way of life.  Hockey takes immense skill and talent and nowhere are these attributes more visible than during the playoffs.  The playoffs require players to be at their greatest and require fans to be at their most patient. 

Playoff hockey is the most captivating, exhilarating, and intense experience anyone can have.  From the first face-off to that final buzzer, you are surrounded by pure power and you start to feel your heart race.  You can’t count a team out until the last second, and even then you never know what can happen.  Picture this, a few years ago the Boston Bruins were singing victory and celebrating in the streets when they went up 3-0 in the first round of the playoffs.  Four games later, it was the Flyers fans that were celebrating as their team turned it around winning 4 straight games to win to eastern conference semifinal and ultimately taking them to the Stanley Cup finals.  If a football team is down by 3-4 touchdowns in the last quarter, you can pretty much turn off the game, they aren’t coming back.  Baseball closers are there to ensure that their teams keep the lead and make it difficult for the other team to come back from a deficit. Hockey however is an entirely different story.  Teams get hot and players are at their best when the clock winds down.  The last 20 minutes of playoff hockey are the craziest 20 minutes in sports.  Each team that is in the playoffs is there because they deserve to be, they played their heart out and aren’t about to go home without a fight. 

If you don’t believe me, go to a game.  Sit in the stands with 20,000 fans screaming and chanting the same thing.  Surround yourself with the most passionate fans in American sports and you will see for yourself that hockey is, by all intents and purposes, made for the playoffs. 

Sanity

Clearly people have been parenting for centuries; I just don’t know how parents did it before all these awesome baby products came along. Sure, things like car seats and strollers keep children safe, but I’m talking about the products you really can’t live without. The ones that make parenting much easier! Here we go:

Exersaucers and jumpers: a must have for all parents and children. It helps babies develop their fine and gross motor skills while visually stimulating them. But the real perk is that it offers endless entertainment to your baby so you can get things done! Whether it’s cleaning, doing laundry or catching up on your DVR, just place your baby in a jumper and he/she is occupied while you do what you have to do.

The Bumbo: if you are a parent or soon to be parent and don’t have a Bumbo, get one. It is perfect to carry with you as oppose to high chairs or other big bulky seats. Babies sit upright in a Bumbo and it has a tray which is perfect for feedings or for toys. If you travel a lot with your kids and they are too little for a high chair then bring the Bumbo, it is much easier to transport!

Video monitor: I am a paranoid mess with both of my children. I have to constantly make sure they are still breathing and ok in their cribs. Luckily for me, we have a video monitor so instead of walking into the baby’s room and risking him/her waking up, I am able to watch them for hours to make sure they are still alive! (I really hope I’m not the only person who does this!!)

Mommy hook: a very practical hook that goes onto the stroller so you can have the diaper bag completely accessible at all times. If you put the diaper bag or your purse in the stroller basket, it might be difficult to get to sometimes, especially if you are out and continuously putting other bags on top. The Mommy Hook avoids this by keeping your bag out and hanging on the stroller.

And finally, drum roll please. The greatest and I do mean GREATEST invention ever for children…the Portable DVD player: aahh, the saving grace. The only way I could grasp sanity on long car rides. I remember when my brother first got his kids a portable DVD player for the car. I was in my mid 20’s and so naïve. I asked, “why the hell are you getting them a DVD player? They don’t need one,” and his very wise and very patient response was, “it’s not for them, it’s for me”. I remember thinking he was an idiot and not understanding why he couldn’t just entertain his children in the car while they went on a trip. Then I had Mikey. From the moment his little butt touched his car seat, he would let out continuous howls and let you know that he was not at all pleased about being there. One time I was driving on the New Jersey Turnpike in the pouring rain and Mikey cried the entire time. It was a 2 hour drive and he screamed all but the last 20 minutes. The minute he got into a forward facing car seat, we got him a portable DVD player. Thanks to this device and hours of The Wiggles, travelling with my son wasn’t a death sentence. Today he is much better, but I would have never survived the second year of driving with him had it not been for the DVD player.

There you have it. The baby products (and not so baby products) that have made parenting a lot easier in the Smith household.

Things my mother says...

Things my mother told me…

Maria del Carmen Consuelo Martinez Daporta, otherwise known as my mother, is a very wise woman.  Of course I didn’t realize that until a few years ago.  Once I became a wife and mother I realized how brilliant and how right my mother is.  Through her years she has taught me several rules and guidelines to follow in life.   I try to follow them for the most part and plan to pass them on to my children when they grow up.  Here are a few of her teachings:

Sarna con gusto no pica—I know it’s in Spanish but it sounds better.  It literally means “scabies with pleasure doesn’t itch”.  She would say this whenever a person would intentionally do something, even knowing that that action would hurt them.   So let’s say you have a friend who always gets back with the same guy even though she knows he is just going to hurt her.  It’s hard to feel bad for someone who has a skin infection but is getting extreme pleasure out of it isn’t it?  Well the same rule applies here.  If you are stupid enough to keep doing the same thing over and over again, or staying in the same situation with the same outcome, then you don’t deserve pity.  Instead, learn from your mistakes and move on.  I plan on teaching Mikey and Lola this valuable life lesson.

When you have nice legs, skirts are always better—she had some nice legs in her day.  She was never afraid to show them off and always encouraged me to do the same, in a classy way of course. This lesson can be made broader.  My mother felt that her legs were her best features, so she flaunted them, but you can do that with whatever you think is your best quality.  If you think you have great eyes, then learn how to put the proper make up on that will make them jump out at people.  If you are good with words, then find every possible situation to display that.  I hope that my children are confident enough to learn what they are best at and run with it.

Say what you mean to say and mean what you are saying—my mother is a very vocal person.  She knows how to keep the peace and I have never seen her be rude to anyone, but she knows how important it is to express yourself and how damaging it can be to hold onto your feelings.  Only two of her children follow that rule, the other two follow my father’s example of seeing just how long a person can hold onto emotions before exploding.  She always told me, if someone does something that bothers you or makes you incredibly happy, let them know.  Only children play the silent game and being passive aggressive only hurts you.  Thanks to her (or damn her if you’re my husband) I always express my feelings and let people know what I am thinking.  Being free to express yourself in a respectful manner feels great.  There is definitely something liberating about it.  

And finally, if you don’t make him happy, someone else will—yup, she meant this one to be about sex.  You have to realize my mother was raised in a country where women were supposed to serve the men and children in their lives, and that was it.  So yes, she believes that if you don’t make him happy, it is only a matter of time until he finds someone who will. But this valuable tip doesn't have to be one way or limited to sex.  In other words, if you know something truly makes your partner happy, you should want to do that for him.  Take a lesson from The Break Up…it’s not about wanting to do the dishes, it’s about doing them because you know it makes the other person happy.  So yes, give happiness to your partner before he/she finds someone else who will give it to them.