No use resisting

For as long as I can remember, I have resisted things that I thought were just fads.  If I thought for a second that one of the “plastics” was going to do it, I would preach about how stupid it was.  As soon as something because popular, you bet your ass I would stop liking it or wouldn’t even consider it.  Then suddenly one day, I did the unthinkable.  I grew up.  Here is a list of things I thought were just for hipsters or douche bags, and therefore, I avoided. 

Sushi:  I hated sushi.  Not the actual food because I had never eaten it but the whole sushi experience. The only people I ever heard rave about sushi were those who looked down at others.  People who felt they were more cultured than you because after all, they ate raw fish.  It probably all started because of Molly Ringwald’s character Claire in The Breakfast Club.  She was my least favorite character and she had sushi for lunch.  Who the hell brings sushi for lunch to Saturday detention?!  Just someone who is completely stuck up and full of themselves.   I hated that people used chop sticks and thought they were bad asses because they could use them correctly. A few years ago, at a lunch outing with some former coworkers they insisted I try it.  Determined to hate it and them for that matter, I tried some California, Philly and Tuna Rolls.  Wow!  I couldn’t believe that my pretentious attitude was making me miss out on something so delicious!  I was hooked and even got bummed when I had to give it up because I was pregnant!  I now realize how delicious sushi is and am very happy it has entered my life.

Dave Matthews Band:   DMB was popular when I was in high school and the only people that I thought listened to the band were the girls on the field hockey and lacrosse teams and their buddies and the guys who all wore button down shirts to school every day (uniforms were not required).  They would talk about going to the concerts and getting wasted and how much fun they had.  I, who didn’t listen to any music made after 1989, just saw the band as a stupid musical ensemble who gave an excuse for girls to get wasted and act like complete fools in the Meadowlands parking lot.  That Crash song was pretty awesome, but that was it.  Then in 1999 I met my now husband and he was a huge DMB fan (mind you, he also wore a button down shirt every day, even when he wasn’t in his uniform).  He had me listen to all the albums and while extremely hesitant at first, I sort of found myself really liking the band.  Now, I appreciate the band and their musical ability and if a song comes on while I am surfing the radio, I turn it up as opposed to holding back vomit as I switch the station. 

Pilates:  When it came to working out, I did cardio and weights.  If I were going to do a class it would be a boot camp class or some fun dancing class.  I wouldn’t lie on the floor and do yoga or Pilates because it was highly ineffective and a complete waste of time; a work out for girls who couldn’t lift weights.  Boy was I completely wrong on this one!  A friend of mine suggested we try a Pilate’s class one day.  I thought, sure I’m a little tired so I wouldn’t mind a light workout.  Holy shit, those words came back and didn’t just bite me in the ass, they totally kicked it.  15 minutes into class I was begging for mercy.  I had pain in areas that I didn’t even think could feel pain. I swear even my eye balls hurt after that class.  That chipper bitch of a teacher, kicking her legs in the air while we lay on mats, contorting our bodies in cruel was is an image I will never get out of my head.  I will never do Pilates again because I do not think it is fair to my body to treat it so poorly. After that day I had a new found respect for anyone who could do it on a regular basis. 

So there are a few things that I have tried and changed my mind about.   I know that I shouldn’t avoid doing things just because I don’t like others who do those things.  You never know what you are missing out on.  However, skinny jeans, vegetarianism, veganism, coffee shops and weird ethnic foods are to be left to the hipster idiots who truly feel they are better than the rest.  And Josie….

Talking ‘bout my generation…

I do not give out parenting advice, and frankly, no one should.  There is no one way to parent.  I believe that as long as we don’t emotionally or physically hurt our children, it is up to each person how they want to do it.  I am certain that many mothers see me in the store or park with my son and think to themselves, “if that were my kid…”and then go on a tirade about what they would do to my little boy to make sure he doesn’t act like that. 

I had a lot of struggles with Mikey.  From speech, to behavior (which is tied to speech) to now potty training, parenting him has been difficult at times.  And while I’m sure other parents will look at us and think he is a “bad” kid, I know the truth.  I know he is an incredibly sweet, caring and intelligent almost 3 year old who is a true boy’s boy.   A little boy who loves to wrestle, pretend to blow things up and get dirty.  A little boy who will defend himself and his little sister if need be.  I also know what he isn’t.  A coddled little boy who has a sense of entitlement and doesn’t know what no means. 

If my son falls, he is told to shake it off (as long as my inlaws are not around of course!).  If he wants to climb something or jump on something, he is usually encouraged to do so.  I don’t want my son to get hurt but I also don’t want him to develop a fear for an adventure.  Children are supposed to try new things and cuts and bruises are a part of growing up; that’s why I didn’t wear a skirt until high school.  I am also the parent most people hate, whether they have children or not, because I am the parent that let’s their child throw a tantrum in the middle of a store or any other public setting and will completely ignore him.  Yup, I do not care.  My son can scream all he wants and I just ignore while disgusted onlookers judge me and go home reaffirmed as to why they don’t have children or why they are better parents.  But trust me, I do this for the better of society. 

Too many times I see parents give in to their children because they don’t want the fuss or embarrassment.  Johnny wants a toy and you said no.  Johnny throws a fit, he gets the toy because that has quieted him down and allows you to keep shopping.  Good for you.  You might think you won the battle but you will definitely lose the war.  People my age are so concerned with treating their children as equals and giving them absolutely everything their hearts desire.  But here’s the catch.  They are not our equals, they are our children and in the same way society’s children.  We are charged with raising responsible, empathic children who can grow up and make society better.  Instead, my generation is raising a society that will not know how to lose gracefully because their sports teams don’t have winners or losers.  My generation is raising a society where if a child falls of a slide, then this child cannot go back on the slide, showing them that if you get hurt, you just don’t try again.  My generation is raising a society where authority and teachers are not respected because after all, who are you to talk to my child this way.  My generation is raising a society where patience is nonexistent because we as adults need everything done yesterday, showing them that they should have everything by last week.  We are raising a generation where hand sanitizer is readily available and applied not allowing our children to be exposed to germs.  We are raising a generation where test scores and extracurricular activities are the only ways to judge a character.   

The Greatest Generation wasn’t concerned with making sure their kids wore bike helmets.  They didn’t care too much about explaining why the child’s actions were wrong and then hugging it out.  I’m not saying we should go back to full blown beating our children but we have to return to the time where we were parents and they were children.  We have to teach our children that in this world, you can’t always be what you want.  Instead, you can be what you are good at and have a talent for and work really hard towards being.  No one should feel entitled to anything and children need to learn to stand up for themselves and make their own mistakes.  What’s the best way to learn that the oven is hot?  Touching it.  And that is it.  My generation needs to stop worrying about sanitizing their children and wrapping them in bubble wrap and get them ready for the unfair world that lies ahead.  While I like to think that Mikey can be and do whatever he wants, I know he can’t, no one can.      

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

It’s that glorious time of year again.  The time of year when warm weather begins, flowers bloom, birds chirp, baseball is in full swing and blood is shed.  Yes ladies and gentleman, it is time for playoff hockey.  

Few things in life can match up with the intensity of hockey this time of year.  Hockey in general is an intense sport, the fast skating, the hard hits and unbelievable goals.  Add that all up and throw in the fact that teams are playing for the ultimate glory of hoisting Lord Stanley's cup and you have weeks filled with heart stomping, jaw dropping and enemy making angst.  “I went to a boxing match and a hockey game broke out” was a stupid joke many of us heard growing up and I used to think it made sense, after all, hockey was all about the fights.  I now know that is nonsense. 

The only thing I knew about hockey growing up was that the Devils were pretty good and we were forced to play it in gym class.  To me, it was little more grown men on ice-skates looking for someone to pummel.  Once I moved to Philly and moved in with my now husband, hockey became a staple on our television rotation.  Little by little, I got pulled into the beauty of the sport.  I learned that it wasn’t just a bunch of oversized children who couldn’t make it in any other sport and just wanted to let out their frustration.  I learned that true hockey players master the art of playing at a very young age.  They surround themselves and their families with all things hockey and it becomes a way of life.  Hockey takes immense skill and talent and nowhere are these attributes more visible than during the playoffs.  The playoffs require players to be at their greatest and require fans to be at their most patient. 

Playoff hockey is the most captivating, exhilarating, and intense experience anyone can have.  From the first face-off to that final buzzer, you are surrounded by pure power and you start to feel your heart race.  You can’t count a team out until the last second, and even then you never know what can happen.  Picture this, a few years ago the Boston Bruins were singing victory and celebrating in the streets when they went up 3-0 in the first round of the playoffs.  Four games later, it was the Flyers fans that were celebrating as their team turned it around winning 4 straight games to win to eastern conference semifinal and ultimately taking them to the Stanley Cup finals.  If a football team is down by 3-4 touchdowns in the last quarter, you can pretty much turn off the game, they aren’t coming back.  Baseball closers are there to ensure that their teams keep the lead and make it difficult for the other team to come back from a deficit. Hockey however is an entirely different story.  Teams get hot and players are at their best when the clock winds down.  The last 20 minutes of playoff hockey are the craziest 20 minutes in sports.  Each team that is in the playoffs is there because they deserve to be, they played their heart out and aren’t about to go home without a fight. 

If you don’t believe me, go to a game.  Sit in the stands with 20,000 fans screaming and chanting the same thing.  Surround yourself with the most passionate fans in American sports and you will see for yourself that hockey is, by all intents and purposes, made for the playoffs. 

Sanity

Clearly people have been parenting for centuries; I just don’t know how parents did it before all these awesome baby products came along. Sure, things like car seats and strollers keep children safe, but I’m talking about the products you really can’t live without. The ones that make parenting much easier! Here we go:

Exersaucers and jumpers: a must have for all parents and children. It helps babies develop their fine and gross motor skills while visually stimulating them. But the real perk is that it offers endless entertainment to your baby so you can get things done! Whether it’s cleaning, doing laundry or catching up on your DVR, just place your baby in a jumper and he/she is occupied while you do what you have to do.

The Bumbo: if you are a parent or soon to be parent and don’t have a Bumbo, get one. It is perfect to carry with you as oppose to high chairs or other big bulky seats. Babies sit upright in a Bumbo and it has a tray which is perfect for feedings or for toys. If you travel a lot with your kids and they are too little for a high chair then bring the Bumbo, it is much easier to transport!

Video monitor: I am a paranoid mess with both of my children. I have to constantly make sure they are still breathing and ok in their cribs. Luckily for me, we have a video monitor so instead of walking into the baby’s room and risking him/her waking up, I am able to watch them for hours to make sure they are still alive! (I really hope I’m not the only person who does this!!)

Mommy hook: a very practical hook that goes onto the stroller so you can have the diaper bag completely accessible at all times. If you put the diaper bag or your purse in the stroller basket, it might be difficult to get to sometimes, especially if you are out and continuously putting other bags on top. The Mommy Hook avoids this by keeping your bag out and hanging on the stroller.

And finally, drum roll please. The greatest and I do mean GREATEST invention ever for children…the Portable DVD player: aahh, the saving grace. The only way I could grasp sanity on long car rides. I remember when my brother first got his kids a portable DVD player for the car. I was in my mid 20’s and so naïve. I asked, “why the hell are you getting them a DVD player? They don’t need one,” and his very wise and very patient response was, “it’s not for them, it’s for me”. I remember thinking he was an idiot and not understanding why he couldn’t just entertain his children in the car while they went on a trip. Then I had Mikey. From the moment his little butt touched his car seat, he would let out continuous howls and let you know that he was not at all pleased about being there. One time I was driving on the New Jersey Turnpike in the pouring rain and Mikey cried the entire time. It was a 2 hour drive and he screamed all but the last 20 minutes. The minute he got into a forward facing car seat, we got him a portable DVD player. Thanks to this device and hours of The Wiggles, travelling with my son wasn’t a death sentence. Today he is much better, but I would have never survived the second year of driving with him had it not been for the DVD player.

There you have it. The baby products (and not so baby products) that have made parenting a lot easier in the Smith household.

Things my mother says...

Things my mother told me…

Maria del Carmen Consuelo Martinez Daporta, otherwise known as my mother, is a very wise woman.  Of course I didn’t realize that until a few years ago.  Once I became a wife and mother I realized how brilliant and how right my mother is.  Through her years she has taught me several rules and guidelines to follow in life.   I try to follow them for the most part and plan to pass them on to my children when they grow up.  Here are a few of her teachings:

Sarna con gusto no pica—I know it’s in Spanish but it sounds better.  It literally means “scabies with pleasure doesn’t itch”.  She would say this whenever a person would intentionally do something, even knowing that that action would hurt them.   So let’s say you have a friend who always gets back with the same guy even though she knows he is just going to hurt her.  It’s hard to feel bad for someone who has a skin infection but is getting extreme pleasure out of it isn’t it?  Well the same rule applies here.  If you are stupid enough to keep doing the same thing over and over again, or staying in the same situation with the same outcome, then you don’t deserve pity.  Instead, learn from your mistakes and move on.  I plan on teaching Mikey and Lola this valuable life lesson.

When you have nice legs, skirts are always better—she had some nice legs in her day.  She was never afraid to show them off and always encouraged me to do the same, in a classy way of course. This lesson can be made broader.  My mother felt that her legs were her best features, so she flaunted them, but you can do that with whatever you think is your best quality.  If you think you have great eyes, then learn how to put the proper make up on that will make them jump out at people.  If you are good with words, then find every possible situation to display that.  I hope that my children are confident enough to learn what they are best at and run with it.

Say what you mean to say and mean what you are saying—my mother is a very vocal person.  She knows how to keep the peace and I have never seen her be rude to anyone, but she knows how important it is to express yourself and how damaging it can be to hold onto your feelings.  Only two of her children follow that rule, the other two follow my father’s example of seeing just how long a person can hold onto emotions before exploding.  She always told me, if someone does something that bothers you or makes you incredibly happy, let them know.  Only children play the silent game and being passive aggressive only hurts you.  Thanks to her (or damn her if you’re my husband) I always express my feelings and let people know what I am thinking.  Being free to express yourself in a respectful manner feels great.  There is definitely something liberating about it.  

And finally, if you don’t make him happy, someone else will—yup, she meant this one to be about sex.  You have to realize my mother was raised in a country where women were supposed to serve the men and children in their lives, and that was it.  So yes, she believes that if you don’t make him happy, it is only a matter of time until he finds someone who will. But this valuable tip doesn't have to be one way or limited to sex.  In other words, if you know something truly makes your partner happy, you should want to do that for him.  Take a lesson from The Break Up…it’s not about wanting to do the dishes, it’s about doing them because you know it makes the other person happy.  So yes, give happiness to your partner before he/she finds someone else who will give it to them.   

The perils of a working mom

I can vividly remember when my now husband and I started getting serious, he said that he would like for me to stay home with our children.  My reply, laughter.  After all, I wasn’t going to college to be a stay at home mom.  Oh how our words come back to bite us on the ass. 

Today, I would give anything to be able to be home more with my children and raise them myself.  Instead, day after day I drop my children off so others can care for them and I go off to work.  Every morning, I try to sneak out of bed before my son wakes up.  I tip toe into the bathroom to begin the endless routine of trying to beautify myself.  I then sneak back into my room and try to find a flattering, professional outfit in the dark (mainly because my son is probably in my bed).  If I get this accomplished before he springs out of bed by 6 am, then my morning has gotten off to a good start.  If he is up, I have to get ready while my son incessantly tries to save me from being swallowed by the drain, entering a fantasy world and which would cause me to never ever return from that magical place known as the bathroom. Or at least I'm assuming that is why he freaks every time I go in there alone: he's not a mama's boy, he is just protective and wants to make sure I don’t end up in the abyss. 

This is where the guilt begins.  The second I drop my son off and see his little eyes follow me out the door.  Or when I place my daughter in her mom-mom’s arms and she reaches out for me crying.  From that moment on, this immense feeling of guilt overcomes me and even though I am doing this for my family, I long for a better solution.  So the overcompensating kicks in. 

My life would be easier if I just walked into the grocery store and stocked up on all those delicious Gerber selections.  But no, I neglect my daughter enough during the day so I have to spend the time that she is sleeping steaming and pureeing carrots, sweets potatoes, peas and butternut squash.  What about fruit you ask?   Well that gets made every morning before I get her out of her crib so she can have fresh bananas and apples.  I don’t take any breaks while at work because I have to pump my breast milk so she can have a little taste of mommy while I am out making a name for myself.   Shopping at the grocery store would be easier if my very active 2 year old wasn’t with me; but how can I leave him on a Saturday when I just left him all week long?  So he comes along.  And showers?  Well they simply offer another opportunity for my son and me to be together (hopefully you notice the sarcasm).  

Travelling for work doesn’t make it easier.  Today, my husband sent me a video of my daughter, who was about one thrust away from a full blown crawl, her first crawl that I could potentially miss if I don’t hurry home tomorrow (I’m hoping my lovely husband will choose to keep her in her bumbo until I return, therefore taking away any possibility of her crawling).  When I sit around and hear people say, “oh, a girls night out is a necessity” or when I read on Facebook things like “I can’t wait to go out tonight and drink” I can’t help but notice that I have no desire for that.  Leaving my children and husband is not something I look forward to and I often wonder why they do.  Maybe I envy them because they don’t appear to have the need to be with their families at all possible times like I do. I have been away from them for 3 days now and I am counting down the minutes until I should be home again (roughly 1,080).  Or maybe I’m proud of myself for having formed such a wonderful circle that fulfills me in every way that I don’t need gratification from anywhere else.  What I am certain about is that this guilt will continue to haunt me and make me overcompensate in many ways.  Ah, school bake sales will be a blast…