Too big for sweat pants

 The other day I was chatting with a coworker (who is incredibly thin…this is important to the story line), and I mentioned how I never leave the house in sweat pants.  She went on to say that she always wears sweat pants or yoga pants and only reserves jeans for when she is going somewhere where sweat pants wouldn’t be appropriate. I then said I never leave the house without make up on—I wear it to the gym, the pool, the beach, the super market, to pump gas, you name the place and at least eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss are on my face—and she again proceeded with how she never puts it on.  She asked the scary question, why the hell do you do that?  So I found myself finally putting into words what I had felt all these years, and naturally she looked at me like I was insane. The answer you ask?  I never want to be the fat, sloppy mom.

When I told her this she said, and I quote, “you are freaking crazy.  I don’t care”.  And my answer to her this time was, “of course you don’t, you’re thin”.  Now before my 10 faithful readers start saying things like, “thin people can be sloppy too”, or “no one will think that”, “you’re not fat”, let me say this: thin people have to be extremely sloppy to look sloppy and yes, people will think that, because I have and yes, I am fat. I am changing that, but currently, I am overweight. 

This thinking all stems from a drive with my husband when I was pregnant with my first child.  I saw a mom jump out of a minivan (by the way, I really want a minivan) to collect her groceries.  She had the typical short mom cut, was wearing baggy sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt and was overweight.  I looked over at my husband and said, “I hope I never turn into that”.  He thought it was mean of me to say, and it was, but it was how I felt.  For all I know, she could have been coming home from the gym and stopped by to pick up some things for dinner.  But in my mind, that’s how she dressed anytime she wasn’t at work or at a social event.  I didn’t want that then and I definitely don’t want that now that I am a mom. 

Because I am bigger, I have to be more careful.  Skinny women can get away with putting less effort into their look because they are thin. Take my coworker for instance.  She is a size 0/2.  If she throws on a pair of yoga pants and a t shirt, then she looks cute and possibly even fit.  People might think she actually is going to a yoga class.  If I put them on, in my mind people are saying, “Yeah, like that chick can do the downward facing dog”.  Now whether they actually think that or not is irrelevant because I will always think they are thinking that.  And the bigger you are, the more careful you have to be.  I, luckily, have a pretty face, or so I have been told by many people since I was 14, “oh Irya? Yeah the big girl with the real pretty face”, so at least I have that going for me but no matter how much weight I lose, I will always be big in my mind and therefore, always have to make the effort.  Hell, the minute I got wheeled out of the operating room after both c-sections, I immediately put my contacts in and applied makeup!  I also never wanted to look bad in my post delivery pictures because, well, most women don’t look good in them. 

I never want anyone to say or think that I am a sloppy mom!  They can think I’m fat, but at least put together!